Words

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are:

1. *Coffee* (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
2. *Flabbergasted* (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. *Abdicate* (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. *Esplanade* (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. *Willy-nilly* (adj.) impotent.
6. *Negligent* (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. *Lymph* (v.) to walk with a lisp.
8. *Gargoyle* (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. *Flatulence* (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. *Balderdash* (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
11. *Testicle* (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
12. *Rectitude* (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. *Pokemon* (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. *Oyster* (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. *Frisbeetarianism* (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. *Circumvent* (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. *Bozone* (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. *Cashtration* (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
3. *Giraffiti* (n) Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
4. *Sarchasm* (n) The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
5. *Inoculatte* (v) To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
6. *Hipatitis* (n) Terminal coolness.
7. *Osteopornosis* (n) A degenerate disease.
8. *Karmageddon* (n) It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
9. *Decaflon* (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
10. *Glibido* (v) All talk and no action.
11. *Dopelar effect* (n) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
12. *Arachnoleptic fit* (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
13. *Beelzebug* (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
14. *Caterpallor* (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

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Spotted at the Auckland International Airport this morning.

DVD Review: D.O.A: Dead Or Alive

she said: this is a fun indulgence into the genre of video game fantasy.

he said: Jaime Pressley (from My Name Is Earl) and Kevin Nash (WWE) did a funny job at being the daughter and father wrestlers.

she said: they kinda look like a couple though.

he said: the rest of the cast members seem to have given their best interpretation of arcade favourites, from Natassia Malthe's (Elektra's Typhoid) Ayane to Devon Aoki's (Too Fast, Too Furious) americanised Kasumi. i can't complain about the acting, except maybe for Smallville alum Sarah Carter's (she's pretty content at being happy most of the time).

she said: what's with the flying shuriken invites?

he said: Eric Roberts plays the antagonist, and delivers a convincing enough performance.

she said: i hate him.

he said: in how he portrayed Donovan?

she said: no, i just hate him.

he said: oh... anyhoo, the male species definitely took a back seat to the femme fatale team-up that's prevalent throughout the film, and this probably isn't such a bad idea for marketing this franchise to the general public. guys would go back to high from DOA: Volleyball, whilst the gals would admire the Power Puff Girl treatment of the lead characters.

she said: the women kick a$$!! go flower power! and i loved the black finger nails on Aussie Holly Valance's Christie.

he said: since i usually use Bayman in the few occasion that i had played the game, i'm disappointed that the character was just a thug in the film. but for other characters in the game, it was a pretty good tranformation to the big screen.

she said: good enough dvd session, but it's not something that i'd watch again.

he said: there's some funny bits as well in the deleted scenes from the special features section (which also includes a The Making Of). but i can see why they had to delete them!

we say: 3 stars.

Transformers Prequel Book

if you're curious what the new Transformers would look like, catch a glimpse of the following pages from the graphic novel prequel.

this certainly isn't our 80's bots, but change is healthy as some would say (the Allspark, eh?). we can deliver our full judgment and review after seeing the film in July.

at least the autobots insignia is still the same! i just wish the producers included a lamborghini a la the twins, Sunstreaker ("they can't beat the best!") and Sideswipe ("i don't break rules, i just bend them... a lot!").

Exams

False advertising

Here's something funny...

I was watching TV just now and came this ad that appeared, at first, tough and sporty. I mean rugby players playing foosball...everything looked like steel. Even the foosball goal net was made of some metal mesh. Basically, it looked tough!

Then the tagline came....something like "Rugged Shark. Very tough. 1 Year warranty". I just cracked up laughing...If it was so tough, wouldn't you give your product more than a year warranty? Cats last for years and I have a pair of cheaper Chaos boots and they are still around.

Double standard

More than a year ago, I was pulled over on Lincoln Road just before the bridge where you turn right for the motorway on ramp. Here's a recap...I was at the traffic light just before on the bus lane. When the light turned green, I went straight then changed lane to the right so I can get into the motorway traffic lane. I was pulled over for doing this. It was early morning around 7ish. There were two cop cars and at least 2 cops waiting just before the bridge gathering revenue.

Some might say I'm too hard on the cops and that they are just doing their jobs. Well here's what I saw today...

I was on the same road this morning. Around where Pak N Save is, I spotted a police car 3 cars in front of me on the left lane. The right lane queue was long with the tail ending around just after the Caltex station. So I do what I normally do which is ride on the left lane and changing lanes at the end near the traffic light or just after. In front of the cop car was a motorcycle and in front of that was a reddish car. I proceeded to change lane just before the traffic light and around this time, the motorcyle in front of the police car decided to change lane to the right but at the same time the reddish car in front of the motorcycle decided to change lane to the right in the last minute cutting the motorcycle off. The section where he changed lane is a solid white line just before the West Bound motorway on ramp which means he cannot change lane there and should have gone straight. This caused a slight traffic halt and a lot of horn beeping. I thought to myself...you're in trouble now! The cops are behind you. You will definitely get tickets. To my surprise, the cop car did not stop but instead it let the two vehicles battle it out into the right lane and itself swerved to the left to get into the west bound on ramp!

WTF?! I got a ticket doing something a lot more legal than this and these two didn't get pulled over?

Oh..... I realise now...The cop could be off-duty and he's reached his ticketing quota for his shift. He must have been working hard all night then to ignore such a traffic incident like this. Or perhaps he hasn't had his morning donut yet...oh wait...those are bad american cops.