where you're brain just shuts down?...
Last week, i calculated that I worked about 80 hours, starting sunday lunch-time, through to friday evening. That's not counting the hours that I was on-call during the weekend, where i worked for another total of 10 hours...
This week, i've been good, cutting it down to 10-11 hour days... god i'm tired...
why do i do this? when there is effectively no over-time (although last week, since i was on-call i do get a tidy payout from it)...
i guess it's the fact that my work ethic goes along the lines of "work to the job, not the clock" and "work hard, play hard"... which also carries over to my personal life...
why do i do this? true, work pays well, and the perks are good, but is that all?
why push myself harder than most of the team? why stay back later than some of the team?...
got a totally unexpected promotion, which of course came with a pay rise - but how much effort is really worth it?...
right now, eyes are red and heavy, brain seems to be clouded in a fugue... mentally exhausted... seemingly in a stupor... and yet i'm still here... merely taking a break, to try and regather my mental faculties...
why push this hard, when there are some in my team that don't push anywhere as hard... that complain at the very thought of pushing harder... who keeps strictly to their 40-hour week, and god forbid that they should stay even a minute longer... who view the prospect of such banal activities to be so abhorrent that they stop answering calls within 30 minutes of their set time... a perfect example would be today - this teammate knew of an issue that could possibly affect hundreds of people, and yet they noted it and went home BECAUSE it was their time to go home... true, they were not on-call this week, but it is an application that resides in their support portfolio...
and yet i'm still here... why do i do this?
one reason i guess would be that i know that i have the abilities and the skills required to fix what needs to be fixed, to investigate and delve in to an issue which i know that some others might have the skill to even begin to understand...
it's the fact that i'd want someone like me to deal with the issues that i would not be able to handle... and with that in mind, i'm still here...
i don't know how my significant other puts up with me keeping such long hours, with being woken up in the middle of the night because i get a high-severity call that needs to be fixed within 30minutes, with being restricted to being within 60 minutes of getting in to work, should the need arise...
i don't know how she does it, but she does it, and i'm grateful that she does...
why am i still here, instead of at home with her right now?... 'cos i know she understands my need to be here, my need to drive myself at a goal, i have been aimed at a target and released... hopefully, i'll hit it soon... no need for me to abuse her understanding nature...
it's at this point that Pogz's saying would fit in perfectly...
"Go Home Kit!"... i think i'll take that advice...
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2 comments:
because this is what we do, shakoo. this is who we are. pride in our work ethic as you said, and in ourselves to deliver the best that we can. amen.
Go home Shakoo!
You take pride in your work and you care about your work. I think that is the reason why you do that to yourself. All of us do that in the beginning I think until you realise that sometimes there is no need to. I always go to work early myself, earlier than anyone in my team and most of the people in the building. Usually when I get to work there are only a handful of people who probably think the same way as me. There are some people here who come around 7am and leave at 3pm. Which is quite handy especially that these are parents and need to tend to their children after school.
I started coming to work early at 7.30 but unfortunately I do not follow what I tell myself. I go home at 4.30pm instead of 3.30pm. Sometimes I even stay till 5pm.
You just get so caught up with work. The other day I fell asleep at work. After lunch I decided to take a short nap in our sick bay but woke up an hour later. I was surprised myself. Didn't realise how tried I was.
You may say, why not go to bed earlier? Well, I think we all do not want to have a work/sleep lifestyle. I think we all do want to have a life. Do the things we want or need to during the evenings.
How does this help you? I'm not sure. But I guess I'm just trying to help you realise that you brought it upon yourself (as I do to me) to work hard - harder than anyone else. You may get rewarded but is the reward what you want?
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