Conversation between a Mac and a PC

http://www.examforce.com/customer/ct_newsarticle.php?f=view_ind&id=241

MAC
Hi, I'm a Mac--

PC
--and I'm a PC.

MAC
You know, we really do share a lot of things in common.

PC
That's true.

MAC
For instance, we both have a web browser, email program, and media player bundled with our operating systems.

PC
Of course, in your case it's a value-add for users, and in my case it's a monopolistic practice deserving of billions of dollars in fines.

MAC
Well, you know, you kind of make it difficult for people to use an alternative.

PC
Yes, I see, sort of like offering a music player that only works with one online music store, and with only one software application--

MAC
But you're doing that now too. With that Zool player--

PC
Zune. It's called Zune. Like "dune," except with a zee. Or if you're Canadian, a zed.

MAC
Whatever. You know, let's not argue. What I was getting at is that we're both good at doing certain types of things.

PC
Such as?

MAC
Well, like, you're really good at doing spreadsheets, and I'm really good at doing creative things, like making movies and music and things that actually nurture the soul rather than dragging it down into a corporate morass of humiliating emasculation and crushing spiritual defeat.

PC
I... you know... I can play Hearts.

MAC
Really? That's... wow.

PC
And Freecell. I can play Freecell right out of the box.

MAC
After you've been service packed, that is--

PC
No, I can play Freecell without a service pack. And Spider Solitaire.

MAC
That's cool.

PC
And, you know... anyway, I heard what you said about people having to remove all of the trial versions of software I have, but you come with trial
versions of Office and iWork.

MAC
Well, that's a value add for users.

PC
You see? Whenever you do something that I do....

MAC
Like catch a virus? Except oh, wait, I don't.

PC
Yes, well, if I only made up 3% of the population, I probably wouldn't be walking around with a target on my back larger than Dick Cheney's secret bank accounts.

MAC
Hey, there's more people switching to me than ever before.

PC
You see, that's interesting. Because, normally the business market isn't too quick to pay twice as much for a workstation that doesn't run 90% of the software ever written.

MAC
It's not twice as much.

PC
Oh, well, you know--

MAC
It's not twice as much. That's just crazy talk.

PC
Whatever. Hey, we said we wouldn't argue.

MAC
Well when you insist on spreading these lies--

PC
Oh, you mean like you saying how you never freeze up, or need to restart?

MAC
I DON'T freeze up.

PC
Oh, okay my bad. Hey, what's that beach ball doing spinning over your head?

MAC
Hey, that's almost funny. Like the thought of you having a soul. That's funny too.

PC
Yeah, well this soulless dude could buy and sell your ass tomorrow, buddy. I've got over $30 billion in the bank. Those aren't just--

MAC
Have you ever kissed a girl?

PC
I... what does that have to do with anything?!

MAC
I was just wondering, you know. If you had ever. Because I don't see it, honestly.

PC
Are you insinuating something? You? With your androgynous color scheme and your "intuitive" nature? Oh, please. You wouldn't know what a dick was if it slapped you in the face. Oh wait, I guess maybe you DO know.

MAC
Okay, well at least I'm getting some, Mister "I still live in my parent's basement."

PC
Oh, I'm getting some all right. You should see some of the stuff I have archived in my memory. If you think the DOJ has a problem with my professional life... you have no idea what goes on behind password-protected windows, my queer little slacker emo friend.

MAC
That's disgusting. And you know what? Chicks dig creative guys. In fact, I get more ass than a toilet seat. Musicians, artists, they--

PC
No, chicks dig guys with over $30 billion in the bank. They may flirt with the three-day-stubble, latte sipping, Bravo watching, limp-wristed bohemians during pointless moments while standing in line at Starbucks, but in the end, the ladies always come home with the guy who can wrap them in furs from some endangered species, pay for their annual elective surgeries when they get older, and who are willing to turn a blind eye when the slack-faced "artist" pool boy gives her a cheap thrill while I'm busy crushing competitors and filling my pockets with cash. So go ahead and make your little art films and post them on You Tube, oh empowered auteur. Record your angst-ridden, anti-establishment tunes and put them up on your .Mac site. Play your little free spirit reindeer games, and while you're doing that, me and a few select others will take care of running the world. And, if every so often I have to stand in front of the camera and let you belittle and mock me while I look confused and ineffective in order to keep the unwashed stupid masses happy and content, well, that's a pretty reasonable price tag for the biggest stick in the playground.

(long pause)

MAC
Oh my god, you're really, really creepy.

PC
I'm sorry, did I say something? I'm kind of feverish... I have that new virus that's going around.

MAC
I've seen the true face of evil. Don't even try to cover up.

PC
Oh, I think I have to restart...

MAC
I am SO blogging about this. People will listen to me. You'll see.

PC
I'm sorry? What were we talking about?