Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris.
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Mr T vs Chuck Norris
When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.
Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,"I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you."
Children are afraid of the dark. Dark is afraid of Mr. T.
Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is
folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.
Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.
Mr T. and Chuck Norris decided to spar, they travelled to the only safe place in the Universe, the beginning of time. They bowed to each other and Chuck launched in with a roundhouse kick. Mr. T blocked it, and the resulting pressure wave is commonly called the Big Bang.
Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. The result was the 80's.
Human females have two X chromosomes. Males have an X and a Y. Mr. T has three Ys and a T. He's more man than you'll ever be.
Mr. T isn't afraid of flying, but God fears the consequences of letting him fall.
When creating the alphabet, Mr. T placed the letters M, R, and T in
seperate areas so people could learn to read and spell without fear.
5 out of 5 doctors recommend not pissing off Mr. T.
Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.
When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.
Mr. T doesn't breathe, air just hides in his lungs for protection.
23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has
taken you to read this sentence.
Underneath the mohawk lies a gentle and loving man. In front of the man lies the thousands of corpses of his enemies.
Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then
created Pity.
Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.
Mr. T has had some interesting bowel movements; some of which include: Steve Urkel and Australia.
Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
Mr. T once ate four 72 oz. steaks in 12 minutes. He spent the first 5
minutes laughing at the fact it takes Chuck Norris fifteen minutes to eat three.
Mr T's chains are not made of gold, they are actually made of curium, one of the heaviest elements in existence. They were put there by the CIA to slow him down, and you're lucky they do, fool.
Mr. T is the reason the sky is blue. Don't ask stupid questions.
On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of
disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't
recognize him out of fear.
Mr. T was once involved in a head-on car crash, and he was the only
survivor. Mr. T was walking at the time.
A man once asked Mr. T for the time. Without hesitation Mr. T promptly reached into his pocket and pulled out Flava Flav, only to read the time off of the large "Mr. T" novelty clock on his chest. After returning Flava Flav to his rightful place, Mr. T then curb stomped the man, and
proceeded to thoroughly pity the fool who didn't have a watch of his
own.
Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.
On the hit show "The A-Team," Mr. T often threw his opponents around
during brawls. In fact, stuntmen were thrown at Mr. T, who then caught them, and the footage was played in reverse. This was because any man thrown by Mr. T would break the sound barrier and die instantly.
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